Full disclosure: this one’s a bummer. This is therapy for me, but even if one person can relate to it, then I’d feel justified in hitting that “publish” button. Sometimes I have to write the raw feelings before my heart can get to the lesson behind the pain.
They say it’s hard to forgive and forget,
But I gave that up when I traded stories of who you are inside my head
Like the time you laughed at me when I told you how he hurt me
For the time you looked for me on your bike
Riding all over town asking people if they had seen
The female version of you.
Or the time you told your friends not to acknowledge my existence
For the time, you didn’t hesitate to give my kids and I a place to stay for the night
How about the time I poured my heart out to you
Trying to reconnect –
And your response was to question my sanity
Belittle my thoughts
How very inconvenient it is for you to have somebody care.
I replaced that memory with a lie.
A lie that said
You were the outcast, and like me – broken.
You perhaps wanted someone who actually notices how alone you are
Even as you push everyone away
Now my entire life is placed into perspective
I am the only outcast
And you are just another person
Shoving me out of existence